I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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