I wish I only lived at night.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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