They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
