i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My ass is underappreciated
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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