My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
