yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize