I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize