I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
