Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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