physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It all started with a game of naked twister.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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