Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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