She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
