I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
