Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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