A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
