I didn't shave. On purpose
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
