she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
