The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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