I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
someone get that fucking seahorse.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
