..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
