Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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