I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize