the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
