Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
