I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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