you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
