k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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