two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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