I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
