the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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