i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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