So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
