Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
