My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
As shirtless as possible
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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