I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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