Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize