You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize