you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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