From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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