im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
