my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
