Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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