My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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