You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
