He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
