Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
