He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
