im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
