Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
