a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
