Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
