apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
