Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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