Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
