Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
