Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
