He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
