He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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