Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
