I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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