The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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