I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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