the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
