it wasn't lemon gatorade
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize