I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
