The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize