I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
