I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
