It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
