1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
