Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
