His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
