fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
