my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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