i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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