Swine flu. Run for my life!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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