i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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